| Monday, February 27, 2006 |
| honesty |
One day, Special K came. Special K was truly a special K. Special K was the boss of the boss of the boss of the boss of the boss of Mr X. Special K told all the Mr Xs that they were also special, and that they meant a lot to Special K. Special K said that all the Mr Xs were part of a big picture, and contributed to great things. "You mean to say," began Mr X, "that we are cognitariats?" "No!", gasped Special K. "Goodness, no!" Special K cried. Mr X listened to how he was special, just like Special K, and that if he believed it, he could think of himself as a little special x. But Mr X didn't like this very much. I'm a cognitariat. I'm a factory worker. I'm not special. If you throw me out, you'll bring someone new. I know this and I'm comfortable with this, because if nothing else, it is at least an honest take on things. Mr X kept on listening, and though he wished he could interrupt Special K, he knew he could never do such a thing. Today, Mr X is unhappy at work. What used to be a bright and cheerful cognitariat has been replaced with a sullen, dissatisfied worker. "Why can't they just be honest?" he laments. "I don't mind not being special, I don't mind being replaceable," he goes on. "Why did Special K have to lie and tell me I'm special when I'm not?" Read the full post here. |
posted by esther @ 12:52 AM  |
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| Saturday, February 25, 2006 |
| Isaiah 55:10-12 |
"As the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
So that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
So is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
The mountain and hills will burst into song before you,
And all the trees of the field will clap their hands."
Imagine that!
Update - new poem on Shtuff! |
| posted by esther @ 11:16 AM |
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| hurhurhur |
Click on picture to view
Thanks for this funny cartoon KM! :) |
| posted by esther @ 10:20 AM |
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| ^ - ^ |
My first post on my new laptop using my new broadband connection! Woo are things fast now or what. Believe it or not, I've been using 56K dialup for the past few years! Can you believe what a tortoise I am....haha.
As it's rather late, this post will have to be kept short. Ok, why am I sounding so formal? Anyway, quick updates: I'm still busy busy busy. I made a list of things I have to do and buy and it's long! Oh man oh man. Plus school starts end of next week, and I've yet to look through my books yet. I've seriously got to mug like nobody's business this sem. (Which I'm currently not doing.)
Went to Sentosa on Wed with Shujuan...in short, it was an interesting experience, read about it here!
Watch this video. It's really funny. And that guy reminds me of someone I knew from JC!!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5847984513475560733&q=yellow+fever |
| posted by esther @ 1:07 AM |
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| Sunday, February 19, 2006 |
| Another one of those random things! |
1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) Add your further two cents' worth in brackets.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried drugs.
* I've watched porn movies.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is usually always the best policy.
* I curse sometimes, as opposed to constantly.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I have broken someone's bones.
* I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain. (I only hate it when my shoes/jeans get wet)
* I'm paranoid at times.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I need/want money right now. (Don't we all!)
* I love sushi. (I quite like it.)
* I talk really, really fast.
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling. (Though none truely related by bloodties)
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I like the way that I look. (Though there are times when I wish I look different)
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.
* I have a hidden talent.
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop and/or window shop. (Not something I do often though)
* I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal or Blog.
* I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I've rejected someone before.
* I currently like/love someone.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol before.
* I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (NEVER!!!)
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
* I enjoy some country music.
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I have dated a close friend's ex.
* I study for tests most of the time. (NOW I do)
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I hate office jobs.
* I went to college out of state.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
* I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time. (More like the wrong people)
* I adore bright colors.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I can't whistle.
* I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I've ever written in.
* I talk in my sleep. (Though strangely only Hannie has ever heard my sleeptalk!)
* I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
* I have a tattoo.
* I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I am ambidextrous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my toes.
* I have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
* I have lived in either three different states or countries.
* I am extremely flexible.
* I love hugs more than kisses.
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke.
* Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.
* I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me. (Man, who does??)
* I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds. (Well only by myself)
* I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal. (More specifically I believe in the spiritual realm)
* I can't stand being alone.
* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I'm a judgmental asshole.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my parents would just disappear. (But I don't really mean it)
* I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am. (I work better when encouraged.)
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can speak more than one language.
* I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
* I would rather read than watch TV.
* I like reading fact more than fiction.
* I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
* I have no piercings.
* I have spent the night in a train station or some other public place.
* I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
* I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.
* I've been married and am now divorced.
* There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.
* I like most animals better than most people.
* I own a collection of retro games consoles. It's a small collection.
* The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.
* I have hit someone with a dead fish.
* I have written/read erotic stories.
* I am compulsively honest.
* I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.
* I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers. And not been ashamed.
* I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
* I dislike milk.
* I obsessively wash my hands.
* I always carry that something significant around with me.
* Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.
* I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
* Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.
* I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.
* I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
* I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.
* Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.
* I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (Though I still don't think it's right)
* I don't like to chew gum. (We don't get no gum here anyway, so it doesn't really matter!)
* I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.
* I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.
* Had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
* Wishes people would be more empathic and honest with each other.
* I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.
* I love to sing.
* I have a custom-built computer.
* I'm Irish.
* I only have one parent due to either a divorce or death.
* I have had an argument with someone over the logic in a cartoon.
* I love the series Firefly and hate Fox for cheating it out of a chance to become great.
* I have a pacemaker.
* I have been laid off from my job one week and re-hired the next.
* I have surgical (non-cosmetic) implants.
* I now have something I never thought I would have.
* I now have something I always knew I would have, eventually.
* I'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe just hopeless.
* I have known the pain of unrequited love at least once.
* I've lost people I never thought I'd lose.
* I sometimes wish I had superpowers. (Being able to fly, to stop time, to go backward in time, to teleport, to shape-shift, to heal....and the list goes on)
* I have spent more than $1000 on my obsessions.
* I hate people yelling at each other.
* I love the idea of being in love, sometimes more than the feeling itself. (Only the first part of this sentence is true for me; sometimes I think I'm just in love with love)
One true thing about myself: I lurrve animation and cartoons. |
| posted by esther @ 4:39 PM |
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| Brokeback Mountain |
I left feeling....unsettled. Not just because it's strange watching two grown men passionately in love, at turns tender and violent with each other in their frustrated yearning.
It's just really really sad, not (for me at least) the tears-overflowing sort of sad, but a dull ache that never leaves, only momentarily forgotten. Then you remember when you're alone and it hurts but you can't do anything about it, or tell anyone because nobody understands. I think that's the worst sort of pain ever in the world. I'd rather die than to live this way.
And it's ironic how people hurt each other all the time even though they love each other. I empathise especially with Ennis (Heath Ledger's character), who is pathetically afraid to express his love and is always disappointing those who love him and whom he loves (even his wife and children), and he's so pent up that when he does express himself a lot of times it's in anger and violence. Poor Ennis, always so alone, even in Jack's arms. Alone when we first see him and alone till the end.
Of course their wives are very poor things too, especially Ennis'. It's kind of unfair that other people have to get involved in their heartbreak too. I feel frustrated thinking about all this stuff! It stirred up a lot of thoughts, some of which I can't express in words.
I can't say whether it's a good movie...I mean if you're looking to be entertained you're obviously not going to find it here, though some parts are quite funny. You'll be likely to find it draggy. If you're prone to moody introspection (like me), better stay 10 feet away from it. But if you like a good thought-provoking story, then watch it, because it's really well told. If you're curious about gays, watch it. Though I have no idea how accurate this depiction of homsexual love is, having at best only 0.5 a gay friend! :P Actually I wouldn't mind watching it again. You get more out of a story in re-reading (as I learnt from Comms last sem!). But then again I might be bored, the second time round.
That said, I was really glad that I was able to get the tickets, because even though I'm 21 this year my birthday only comes in October...but the person at the counter didn't even ask if I was 21! Much to my relief and excitement. I mean, I've never bought tickets to an R21 movie before!
The Compaq Presario B2800: Tell me if this isn't the most gorgeous thing ever...I mean the laptop silly, though the lady is very pretty herself! Hahaha
This is my new laptop!! WOOOOO~ It was kind of 'love at first sight' when I saw it on the Compaq website but I thought I'd better check out its functions and not just the appearance. It turned out to be quite perfect, indeed - 1.86Ghz (fast enough for me), and I got a free upgrade from 512GB RAM to 1GB, plus an optical mouse with lights that change colours (I found that function somewhat amusing - I mean, who needs a mouse that changes colours?!). Anyway, the mouse is a stunner, though I doubt I'd use it much; I'm used to the touchpad already. 'Twas kinda amusing how the salesman's face lit up when he introduced the mouse and its changing lights and when he showed me the 1GB of RAM (Geek!). He introduced us (me and my dad) to an Acer model that was cheaper before I realised that the B2800 was there! Actually the Acer one had really good features but I didn't like its rectangular screen (I prefer 'em more to the squarish side) and I thought it was kind of ugly. xP Ok ok, so I'm superficial.
Somewhat surprisingly my dad didn't mind splashing out the 2000plus bucks for the Compaq...when the Acer was under 2K. Thank You Abba Father. :) Jack to Ennis: I wish I knew how to quit you! (Apparently this quote has become famous now) I'm kinda in a low valley of my life now...won't go into any of it here because I think this is really just between me, myself and my Lord. I don't wanna quit Him. To put this bit in here may seem random and irrelevant, but He's been showing me that He's still at work in my life. I know that He was the One who provided this laptop, and I'm grateful for it. I'm not giving up, Lord. Not without a fight. It's worth it. You're worth it - WE'RE worth it. And I'm worth it. |
| posted by esther @ 1:02 AM |
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| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 |
| envy me |
This was my Valentine's Day present! Perchance one day I'll post a similar picture and tell you that I'm engaged. ;) Watched Casanova today...it was really really funny and enjoyable. Heath Ledger is extremely watchable, in ways more than one. I've enjoyed every single one of his movies that I've seen (the previous being The Brothers Grimm). Catching Brokeback Mountain on Thursday! Oh I'm so looking forward to that! |
| posted by esther @ 2:34 AM |
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| Sunday, February 12, 2006 |
| melancholic |
| You Have a Melancholic Temperament |  Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult. |
I think this is quite accurate...though it's not the full test. I think I did this in secondary school and I was Sanguine?
It's true that I can be a very private person. I used to be a lot more open, I think, but in recent years I've discovered that sometimes it's wiser to keep some things private. And yes, I can be horrible at making decisions. But I'm also the sort of person who, having made a decision (for eg., to go out on a certain day), doesn't like to change things and find myself frustrated and bored if my plans are disrupted/routed. Sometimes I would (unwisely, perhaps) stick with a decision just because I don't want to change it. Also, sometimes, as I've learnt, it's better to be out with friends than being alone with my crazy thoughts. |
| posted by esther @ 3:49 AM |
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| Friday, February 10, 2006 |
| steamboat reunion lunch |
We bought too many balls (chicken balls, fish balls, fuzhou fish balls, mushroom balls...) and there were lots of sausages
Today was spent at Shujuan's house. We had a really long and rather late steamboat lunch; we started at 3pm. I really enjoyed myself, despite the abundance of inappropriate conversation. (Or perhaps because of it. XP) What can I say, 20-something year olds are still chock full of hormones.
Anyway it was really delicious. Not to mention cheap! We all shared the cost...so each person only paid 10 bucks. Waaay better than eating out man.
After lunch some people were gambling (Blackjack). Me, Halima, Shujuan and Cece went to make dessert - ice cream with banana slices. They were gorgeous. We made a really naughty one for Joyce (think one long naked banana between 2 scoops of ice cream) but the rest were all so engrossed in their gambling (*shakes head*) that they didn't appreciate the joke in its full essence.
By and by everyone left till only Shujuan, Cece and me were alone in the house...we went to 7-11 to buy drinks, then watched Shutter with the lights off and curtains drawn. It was really fun. Me and Cece totally took over poor Shujuan's (very big) bed! We had chips too. I think we were all a bit high. :P In varying degrees...haha.
So now I'm back at home! The last 2 nights I was staying over at Sheena's house with Hannie...it was a bit of a downer that our plans to go to Sentosa were postphoned. But we had fun with Tracy having dinner at Jack's Place too! |
| posted by esther @ 12:28 AM |
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| Thursday, February 09, 2006 |
| What's Your Monster Name? |
| Your Monster Profile |  Insane Chemist
You Feast On: Pickles
You Lurk Around In: The Hearts of Men
You Especially Like to Torment: Priests |
Hurhurhur...as if~! |
| posted by esther @ 1:24 AM |
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| Monday, February 06, 2006 |
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| Some things are never meant to be. Perhaps one should not attempt the testing of Fate, or worse; the divine will of God. |
| posted by esther @ 2:12 PM |
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| Sunday, February 05, 2006 |
| random blog thingy |
Here are the instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.
"In our ER, the fifteen patient rooms surround three counters where the doctors and nurses sit."
From The Woman with a Worm in Her Head & Other True Stories by Pamela Nagami.
Busy preparing for exam now...not that I've been soo studious but just really preoccupied with things. So many things to think about!
CNY wasn't that bad after all. Last week we visited Bro Ed's place, which is really really nice and has a vet on the ground floor. Cool huh. We saw this dog being taken in when we arrived. It looked really sick. Poor doggie. :\ I hope it's better now...
We celebrated Eugene's 23rd birthday. He had 4 cakes, 1 of which he bought himself! Don't ask me why...haha. It was an ice cream cake from Swensen's. Bro Ed made a cheesecake and Huini made a brownie cake. We also watched Magadascar/Madagascar (I can never remember which is the right one!) and all of us in Wired Up were fixed to the sofa and the screen man. Lol. While the older adults sat at the table and chatted. I wonder if I'll grow bored of cartoons when I'm older? I can't imagine it man...
After that we went to Alvin's house, and then to Alvin & YK's grandma's house (they're cousins). There was a mass celebration for people whose birthdays were in January at Alvin's grandma's house. So that was Eugene's last cake.
Can't wait for my exam to be over so that I can celebrate Hannie's birthday! We cut cake with her today. Mocha mousse cake that I got from BreadTalk. It had this rather big chocolate cup filled with cream sitting on top. Cute! Heh. I managed to canvass $120 in funds for her present, which consisted of a $10 Ben & Jerry's voucher and $110 for her to buy shoes from U.R.S. They didn't sell vouchers so I made one myself and got everyone to sign. And made another one for her to 'redeem' next Wed when we bring her out for a day of fun. I'm so proud of myself for coming up with the 120 bucks and the cute pretty vouchers! Heheheh.
Was chatting with Sheena just now, and we both agreed that we just want peace. It seems so simple and yet it's so hard to attain! If I had peace I would stop looking at the lack in my life and be content, joyful. No more mad stirrings and wet-pillowed nights...No. Not true. I'd probably still experience these. Life was never meant to be smooth-sailing. Just that I would still feel peaceful within, and that sort of peace comes only from Him. The peace that transcends all understanding, that persists inspite of circumstances.
I like the phrase "mad stirrings and wet-pillowed nights". Why is it that creative people are often at their most creative in the throes of such?
Ok I'm just rambling away... :P
Church was good today, though. :) |
| posted by esther @ 1:25 AM |
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