| Wednesday, October 29, 2003 |
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| My gosh. Didn't realise that entry was so long...got carried away, haha. |
posted by esther @ 1:47 AM  |
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| Hey Daniel, want more of my thoughts to go into your story? So much down there..haha... |
| posted by esther @ 1:45 AM |
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Watched True Files today. It was the story about the little girl whose mother let her boyfriend rape her almost everyday ("except on Sundays and public holidays") from the time she was 9 to when she was 13 (or was it 15). "By then she had reached puberty and [forgot his name] had to use a condom". :( So sad ok. I was so disgusted...if there anything that really disgusts me is when innocent children are abused and have their innocence taken away so brutally, leaving scars on their lives forever. The wound may heal but the scab will always be there. Apparently, the girl only told people about it when her mother was going to divorce her father and fighting for custody of all the children (there were 3 altogether) and she did not want to be with her mother. But she kept voicing her concern for her mother, saying she still loves her mother and does not blame her. What a very, very big heart this child has....she would have to be 17 or 18 now. I hope she's doing fine. God bless and protect this brave, courageous, forgiving, loving girl. If that ever happened to me, gosh. I can't even imagine it. It's certain a sobering story...hey, if you think people treat you unfairly and your life sucks, think of this girl and count your blessings. The most amazing thing is that despite all the shit her mother made her go through she didn't hate her mother. I keep using the word "mother" because I find it really hard to call such a woman a "mom/mum". When you say mom, it's like a term of endearment, affection. Sometimes when I'm really mad at my own I refer to her as my mother. Oh gosh, that is so childish. I love my mom.
On a lighter note, happened to catch this silly show called The Dating Show on Channel i this afternoon, I think about 2:30, when I was having lunch. Talk about speed dating. Only 15 minutes for each person to pick a date from out of 3. The first was a twenty something girl. The selection process is simple: she asks each 'contestant' a few questions. That's all. I ththink the show produced the questions for them. Chessy questions such as: I love animals so much, sometimes I even understand them. Tell me something romantic in monkey. And the poor guy has to humiliate himself to get a date. Geez. Another example: I am a goddess and I love to be worshipped. Worship me. And the poor guy has to humiliate himself to get a date.
Next was a middle-aged guy with a pot belly who was wearing a black pullover that didn't really make him look slimmer. (Oh how mean I am!) The contestants...let's just say that when I saw them I was horrified. There was this big lady with big hair and big assets (*ahem*) wearing a black and white dress (which is actually quite stylish), too much make-up, and pretending to be a 16 year old girl on a first date. The way she inclined her head towards her shoulder and smiled at the camera in this fake, cloyingly sweet manner. Oh gawd. Next to her was a plain jane secretary who gave the most boring answers of all, and last of all this dignified looking lady who was into photography (That made me like her immediately - ok, so I am biased; I think people who like photography are cool, which is a fact, ok? Don't argue with me.) and gave witty, clever, non-act-cute answers. Unlike Number One, who was eventually chosen! The fat guy in the black turtleneck went, "Oh my goodness! Look at her!" Yes, oh-my-goodness-too-much-make-up. Haha. He said Number Three was a lovely lady, and didn't say anything about Number Two (too plain, haha). Lol. Why am I so mean, making fun of people on this show that's probably not running anymore (judging from the clothes they were wearing).
And I'm using way too many brackets.
Btw, ROALD DAHL ROCKS!!!! Just finished re-reading a collection of 10 of his short stories, the educational version I used for Lit. back in Sec 2. Golly. He is just brilliant. I was so hooked and engaged, and the ending of the stories really surprises you - grabs you by neck from behind. Even though I'd read all the stories before, the ending still surprises. It's like a first reading, only better. In Sec 2, we only did 2 of the stories, and I don't think I was able to appreciate the stories so much then. Dahl just rocks. I've read about almost all his stuff, you name it - James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Magic Finger, Danny the Champion of the World, The Witches, The Twits, The BFG, Fantastic Mr Fox, Boy: Tales of Childhood, Going Solo, blah blah blah, most of the shorts, even this raunchy novel I was shocked to discover was written by him called My Uncle Oswald. It's about this guy called Oswald who's shagged just about at least one female from every nationality.
I think my favourites have to be his autobiographical accounts (Boy and Going Solo). It's just personal, and I think I prefer personal, warm, down-to-earth Dahl to shining brilliant Dahl, as in his dark short stories, some of which are actually quite disturbing and macabre. That Dahl seems somehow coldly detached from his work, even though each character is so rich and layered, even if he/she only has one line. It just goes to show how brilliant he is.
Lol. If this were a F.R.I.E.N.D.S ep, it'd be called "The One with the Dahl Tribute". Erm, don't ask me where that idea came from...I have really weird ideas sometimes.
I just love Dahl, but it's sad that he probably didn't die a very happy man. Still he had a really big heart, soul and mind. He cared for his wife after she had a huge stroke until she was well again, and it was quite a miracle that she even did. The thing was at that time he probably was already in love with another woman, but he still cared for his wife. Anyway, this is gonna sound so dumb but I had a crush on Roald Dahl when I was younger? After seeing this very nice pic of him when he was 17. Haha. He looked very handsome there. =P Plus, after reading Going Solo, about what he got up to in WW2, he became my hero. And he has this way of writing that really draws the reader in, as if he were sitting there telling you the story. I cheered him on silently when he was up in the air facing the enemy; felt his relief and was impressed with his big heart when he saw that the enemy had escaped in a parachute; felt his anguish when he ran into unreasonable headmasters and principals (who seemed to be really rampant in England then) in his school years.
Everyone should read Roald Dahl. He's just, like, so cool.
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| posted by esther @ 1:45 AM |
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| Friday, October 24, 2003 |
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Today I learnt a wonderful lesson: a little love can go a long way. =)
(Yes I know, I'm typing this at an insane hour of the morning...) |
| posted by esther @ 4:14 AM |
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| Monday, October 20, 2003 |
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| Hello hello. Long time no see. Parents not in Singapore now; in China for business. Pity that I can't invite people over to play and go crazy, since I'm supposed to be studying for As. Ah well. Not much diff actually, except that I've to learn to be independent and wash my own clothes and other aunty stuff until they come back, which is the 23rd of Oct. Haha. It's actually quite satisfying. Yesterday, forgot to put something heavy on top of the pipe that lets out dirty water from the washing machine, and when I came back from buying dinner there was water all over the place, even in the living room. When it dried, the floor was uncomfortably sticky. So I had no choice but to vacuum and mop the floor, even wash the kitchen floor. Now the floor feels beautiful. And it's shiny! Lol. When I look at it, it's like it's telling me, "I'm shiny...and I'm happy..." Sounds familiar? That's the Dove Shampoo ad girl...Dove shampoo ads have got to be the most bimbo I've ever seen. xP |
| posted by esther @ 4:52 PM |
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| Thursday, October 16, 2003 |
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| People on Friendster would have us believe they (or most of them) look like models. Everyone (or most of them) seems to be a looker on Friendster. I don't buy it. Some people would even have us believe they look cartoons, or Hitler, or Kim Jong Il, or soft toys, or animals. Laugh out loud. Muahahahahaha. |
| posted by esther @ 1:07 AM |
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| Monday, October 13, 2003 |
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| Ok, that was so spas...like Patrick from Spongebob. OH! Spongebob is back on Central!! Woohoo!! 11:30 AM on Saturdays. Weeeee!! So happy. Ok, enough crap. Have to study..or try to... -___- |
| posted by esther @ 6:47 PM |
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| Changed the time zone. Now the times are correct. Haaaaa. |
| posted by esther @ 6:44 PM |
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| The date's all wrong...now in Singapore time is already 13 Oct 00:26 AM! Ah, another day then change the time lah... |
| posted by esther @ 12:27 AM |
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Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!!
So sian, my birthday have to stay home and study for Chem prac. Ah nevermind lah. Eh, weird. Those last 2 entries were posted on Sat, not Fri...Fri was my Farewell Assembly and I was out whole day...Strange.
Lalila. I know I haven't blogged for quite some time, and I've really got quite a lot to say, about these last few days, the Farewell, before and after, and today...but my eyes are closing and I've got to study when I wake up later. So have to wait lah.
zzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ |
| posted by esther @ 12:25 AM |
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| Saturday, October 11, 2003 |
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Just called that junior. Thank God, he picked up the phone. Was really kinda at a loss of what to do when I woke up this morning and remembered the matter. Should I call? What if he doesn't pick up? What do I say, if he does? Never had to handle this kinda thing before. Anyhow decided to call him before I have something to regret for the rest of my life. Thank God he picked up the phone. Was so relieved I started crying...is this the first time I cried out of relief? Well, thank God anyway.
Sheesh. Haha, say I never update my blog, now because of you I'm updating my blog...happy lah happy lah. Haha. K. Gtg eat lunch liao... |
| posted by esther @ 11:37 AM |
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| Relationships can be so crapped up. Now my junior wants to die cos' his ex confessed she didn't like him...what the heck lor! Crapped up, crapped up, crapped up, crapped up... :( |
| posted by esther @ 11:15 AM |
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| Saturday, October 04, 2003 |
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| Well, things have been resolved with best friend. Which is really good. Late Thursday night, SMSed her and told her how I felt, and we sorted things out. I'm so glad. =) It's just not right when things aren't ok with my best friend. |
| posted by esther @ 11:50 PM |
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| Friday, October 03, 2003 |
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Today we had our second last chapel, with Mr Victor I-Don't-Know-About-Tomorrow Wee. Haha. I really like that song...I don't know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day, something something something, many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand, I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand... =) God.
Here's a poem I wrote during the period of preparation (or trying to prepare... =P) for Prelims? Or was it BT2? I think it was BT2. Anyway:
Taking it one day at a time,
I trust in You.
Sometimes I waver, sometimes I stumble,
But You are always there,
The only rock I can cling to.
Your hands are wrapped
Around mune, and entwined too.
I can't feel it physically.
But my soul knows it,
And I can say with confidence,
That come what may,
I have only You,
And You, and You, and You.
My God, my Lord, my Saviour, my King, my Father, my Friend, my Groom, Lover and Keeper of my soul, my portion, deliverer, my shelter, my strong tower, my very present help in time of need.
Now that I've typed it out, I realise it's a bit like the song...but when I wrote it I don't think I was thinking of the song.
Anyway, this chapel was like for the Christian students. Well, the leading of the worship wasn't very good lah, cos' the singer wasn't loud enough and stuff...but it was still really cool. Really nice to hear so many people singing along with me to the Lord, and know that at some point of their lives, God touched them. Perhaps some of them were backsliding or some have not attended church for some time or are only Sunday Christians, but still, they were there today.
Mr Wee gave a message about grace: forgiving the inexcusable in others. Which reminded me of my thing with my best friend...Oh sigh. I know my hurt pride is standing in the way. Also, she sort of insulted my friends, and I absolutely cannot stand it when people insult my friends. She sort of insinuated that my friends were not real friends, and that she was, because she cared enough to "prick with the truth". What the heck lor. I also got the idea that she was saying she made a better friend than me.
I think I should email her or something...my birthday is coming soon. Don't wanna spend it being mad at my best friend still...argh. She does mean a lot to me. Every time I have problems with her I get really affected...I remember once this year, when, so absorbed in my thoughts about the problem with her then, that I broke a test tube during Chem practical...oh sigh.
Have not SMSed her since Tuesday. 3 suns have set since then. This is bad. And I feel so hypocritic lor. Someone who has a healthy, personal relationship with God shouldn't be acting in this manner...if I can't forgive her how can I expect God to forgive me for all the wrong I've done to Him? =< And what right would I have to speak of God's grace and love, if I can't find it in myself to overcome my pride to sort things out with someone so dear...
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| posted by esther @ 12:11 AM |
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| Wednesday, October 01, 2003 |
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My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hmm. Isn't that, like, about the same?? |
| posted by esther @ 11:40 PM |
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Apparently, I am feverish again. Biang, how come so weak one. No, no. My heart and my strength may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever. =) Quote from somewhere in the Bible..forgot where.
So tired man. Slept only 4 hours last night, but somehow kept myself going and going the entire day. I don't know how, it must have been God. I remember I prayed before I went to sleep that He would rejuvenate and sustain me despite my 4 hours of sleep... =) God is faithful indeed. Somehow, even though I had a double break in the morning and another break later, I didn't sleep. I just did my sums. Didn't fall asleep during lessons either...praise the Lord. What is impossible with man is possible with Him.
Things still not good with best friend today. Tuition was just quiet. Said hi to her as I went in, and she looked up with a frown of concentration on her face. After tuition, had to pass her the letter Sheena had for her. When I did, she said, "STUDY LAH!!" Which got me irritated again. Like, what the heck, I was studying the whole day yesterday and today too. What's your problem man. Study until so tired, falling sick some more.
Ok, maybe I should tell her cos' she doesn't know. But why does she keep assuming I'm still not studying? It's like she thinks I'm useless or something. Why do I even care what she thinks of me? Because she's my best friend? Crap. I just don't feel like telling her anything liao...there were times today when I wanted to SMS her something like I usually do, about little things that strike me or something like that. But I didn't.
I'm like being so petty and all. I don't know why, I've never been so pissed before. I just don't know why. |
| posted by esther @ 11:28 PM |
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