CALLED: Watching The Bachelorette

Monday, November 01, 2004

Watching The Bachelorette

Many thoughts ran through my mind. Most too private to publish. I was disappointed when she chose Ian over Matthew. I only watched the first episode of this season, actually, and last week's tell-all episode. But I was sold on Matthew. Personally, Matthew's my kind of ideal. Except for the fact that he's probably not a God-loving man. But yeah, so strong, stable. Kind. Blah blah blah. If I ever met a man like that, I'd say he's my (wet) dream come true! Muahaha. Excuse my crudeness...but when I say that I mean I'd wanna marry him and then jump into bed with him. Not the other way round okay.

I so know I am going to feel embarrassed about what I just said, but what the hey.

I cried when she rejected Matthew. In the end, Ian did propose, despite his misgivings about proposing before. He said (if I didn't hear wrongly) that when he saw her waiting for him to come, that was it. He was going to propose. "That's how good she is!" he said.

Thank God that God doesn't love me based on how good I am. Otherwise He'd see no reason to love me. Thank God He has never hesitated to make commitments to me. Ian was afraid, I suppose, of being tied down, that he would lose his freedom. Jesus, who has everything, chose to give it all up for me.

Matthew asked on the limousine as he was being driven away, "Am I fool? I let her into my heart and it turns out that I was never in hers." Something like that.

Thank God that He never stops loving me even when I take Him for a fool.

I told God just now that it would be ok if I am to be single all my life. Because I have Him. It's enormously scary for me to say that, because I'd think, "What if He really lets me to be single all my life? I don't want that! Oh no..." But then again, this life is only temporary...when I get to heaven and see my eternal Groom, it won't matter an iota whether I was married when I was on earth. I only want it now because I am living on earth now.

I've thought about this before, and never dared to say it out to God. Even now it's a little scary...but He knows what's best for me, and wants the best for me. Yes, of course I know that if I seek Him first then He will give me all the desires of my heart.

Mom and Dad are on their way back home. I think they quarrelled but they don't wanna tell me cos' they don't wanna affect me. But I know anyway. Somehow, this doesn't affect me as negatively as it used to. Not that I don't care. I guess somewhere along the way, I've learnt to entrust my parents into His care.

God is good. Everything leads back to this simple statement. God is good.

posted by esther @ 1:06 AM

2 Comments:

At 2:09 AM, James James said…

"Jesus, who had nothing to lose, gave it all up for me."
At 6:26 PM, esther said…

Ok. I understand why you pointed that out. Phrasing mistake on my part. I meant that He had everything but yet He chose to give it up for me.