| Sunday, December 26, 2004 |
| Jesus' girl |
26/12/04
23:15
Dearest Jesus,
I wish I wasn’t feeling like this. But like Pastor said, it’s only during our most trying periods when we grow and blossom. And You reminded me just now that all things are temporal except You. Floods, storms, all creation. No matter how beautiful some places on this earth are, all of it is temporal as well, and nothing compares to Your glory. The day I meet You face to face, everything else would cease to matter. A thought: Why not live as though I’m already in heaven? I am, in fact, filled with heaven because You are in me! What a thought. Makes me smile : )
You are good Lord. No matter how things are, You are good. How simple, how plain and yet beautiful everything looks from on top.
I hope I bring a piece of heaven to all who know me. Yet not by my own charm but by Your light in me.
Jesus. Watching the news just now about the earthquake, I said aloud, "Thank God." Thank You that I was not there that I am still safe and sound on this day. Then a disturbing thought: "If I was dead I wouldn’t have to worry about all these things. And I know I’ll be in heaven." But I know it’s not yet time. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll feel better. And as time passes the soreness will go away.
This is not going to drag me down. I’m affected, yes; I am only human. You made us to feel this whole range of emotions. I may be bombarded by all sorts of stupid thoughts like I am not worthy, I am not good enough etc etc etc. That is normal as well. But again like Pastor said today, I am still Your righteousness. Still Your girl, and You’ll never stop loving me. So I choose You, I choose to believe in Your promises. I choose to trust. What have I if I don’t have You?
Ten years down the road I’ll look back on this and be either amused or embarrassed. I hope amused more than embarrassed. Haha.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt? Who am I, that the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart? Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are. I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling, Lord You catch me when I’m falling, and You’ve told me who I am. I am Yours.
I am Yours.
Your girl,
Qing Ying
23:32 |
posted by esther @ 11:44 PM  |
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