| Friday, October 29, 2004 |
| Feeling Weird |
Past, present future. Choices, emotions. What if....then.....how? Me, you, him, her.
Not making any sense to you? Nope, not making any to me either.
Stupid crazy strange weird emotions.
I want to talk to someone who can make sense out of all this, but there isn't anyone. Yes, God has the answer. Not now, He says. And I wish I could make sense of this now.
Can I quantify or grade my feelings? More, less. Stronger, weaker. True, false.
I thought I was over it. So I allowed my heart to grow around something else. But apparently, I am not.
There's not enough space in here.
Thoughts knocking around in my mind like fluttering moths.
Sigh.
I feel like I have been unfaithful, when everything's just been in my head. Me and my thoughts.
So what if? It cannot...but why can't it? Oh scrape it, I know why it can't. Just because of that. Ohhhhhhhhh-
Do not conclude that I am schizophrenic or have multiple personalities.
Maybe I'm just making things complicated for myself. Is there a need to have an answer now? - No.
I actually enjoyed Chem. prac today. For once, I knew what I was doing for the most part of it.
The guy sharing my bench broke a measuring cylinder. I only realised today that I found him attractive because something about him reminded me of someone. And his voice too. Got a shock when he spoke to me while we were clearing up after, and I was rinsing out stuff at the sink. "Don't need to wash," he said. (Turned out that we had to after all.) That was when it hit me - cripes, he sounds like him! No wonder.......
But what a weird guy. After being nice and helpful all the while, when I ask him what to do with the insert that I forgot to give the teacher - "Aiyah throw lah wah lan!"
O.o Okay...throw. So fierce for what? You can talk to me I can't talk to you?
One moment nice and helpful and gentlemanly, the other moment using expletives. Talk about PMS and being temperamental!
I don't feel weird anymore. I was thinking too much. Yes. I suppose I just needed to expel. > _<
The next time I feel like that again I'm gonna deny it to myself until I cannot deny it anymore. Once I've admitted it, it's done. I can never change it, much as I may want to.
"People make fashion mistakes." |
posted by esther @ 1:07 AM  |
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