CALLED: Home

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Home

Not a National Day song! Haha.

Into Your courts I run with praises
Flowing from my heart
Every day I wake I sing Your song
It's the anthem of my life

I want to spend my days
In Your presence, Lord
Bowed before Your throne
In the house of God
Is where I find my peace
It's where I find my

Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts You'll find me
In worship at Your feet
Hide me now
In the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be

Your love is all I need
So desperately I have sought Your face
I know You hear my every cry
And petition that I make

Jesus
Oh You are my treasure

Can you imagine? Home is heaven! Wow. Home is heaven.

We sang this today. I like the lyrics, especially the chorus. Think it's quite clever really. You can read it as "One day Lord I will live/ In Your courts You'll find me/ In worship at Your feet" or "One day Lord I will live in Your courts/ You'll find me in worship at Your feet". There's a sort of duality to it.

Well, praise and worship was absolutely fantastic today. In my two-plus (going three!) years at River, I've never experienced worship like this before. We had ten songs lined up, plus one presentation song during which Alvin and Peiting were going to do a rap. In the end we only sang five (seven if you count the two songs we sang twice) and there was no sermon. Reason? There was an altar call. I have no sense of exactly how long this lasted actually. Was one of the back-ups today, along with Peiting. Being at the front, it's always amazing when I see my own friends being touched by God while I am singing. Then I realise what an honour it is to be used by Him. Of course, you also see some people looking bored and expressionless...lol.

Words alone cannot encapsulate all that I experienced today. I get this weak-kneed feeling during worship sometimes, and then I know I have to kneel. My brother once said that in God's presence he can't help but kneel. I was really touched by that, and I totally relate. Today it was so. There were a lot of people kneeling. Poor Sister Carel couldn't walk after kneeling at the front for too long. Must have been half an hour or more? They sent her to the hospital. In a sense it's rather comic, especially when they had to push her to the lift in an office chair, but then again. I sure do hope she's ok!

After service I found my mike wires all tangled. Bro Jym helped me with them. Little gestures really go a long way. =) Well, me and wires have never got along well. At the risk of sounding stupid, I didn't even know how to coil them properly at the beginning. Bro Ken had to teach me. Twice. Argh. I know, I know, it's just coiling wires...

Oh. Bro Ed's vest outfit today was...totally unexpected. Lol.

Actually, for quite some time, after I opened my eyes after worship, I'd feel as thought I'd just woke up, or had been submerged in water for a long time and just resurfaced. A rather heady feeling. I'd feel as though I could fall back and a cushion of air would stop me from hitting the floor. I've not felt this for the past two, three weeks or so, and at first I was a little alarmed, as if I'd lost something. But I realised that would be hankering after a feeling. I used to do that in my first year. I'd feel that if I wasn't touched to tears during worship I hadn't been touched by God that day. Of course now I know otherwise.

I got that feeling again today momentarily - in fact I almost lost my balance. It was that powerful. After that I didn't feel it anymore, but it's perfectly alright because I know I reached a new level in my worship today. =) Ha, this is funny, but initially when I experienced this I thought maybe it was because I hadn't had enough sleep. Told Leonard about this, and he felt the same too. Now we both realise that it's not for lack of sleep, but more an abundance of the Spirit!

I left the house this morning feeling horrid because of some very unnecessary things. I hate leaving the house for church feeling like this. Of course when I get there things are always alright again, but I'd rather go to church feeling joyful. Then was struck by a sudden bout of guilt, which led to me feeling unworthy to be singing for Him today. But prayed and felt better. I've forgotten what exactly I felt actually. I simply felt terrible. This is why I'm sure my love for Christ is not mere emotionalism and sentimentalism. There have been so many times when I have felt tired, even cynical, angry. This is when my head tells my heart to stop being emotional. God is above and beyond all that. It is really such an honour to be able to sing for Him.

I wish I could describe the beauty of today's session to you my dear blog readers. If you were there you'd know. I was having a really great time just worshipping. Sang at least two new songs today - those songs that come when one is not singing any particular song but just letting it flow - and I really liked them too. But as with all such songs, I cannot recall them at all after service. Quite a pity, but I'm sure there are many more new songs inside me, just waiting for God to draw them out from my lips. =)

Speaking of blog readers, I found out today that Pastor reads/has read my blog! Was really surprised. Frankly, each time people I know mention my blog to me in person, my mind goes blank for an instant and registers "block/bloc", and then I realise. "Oh...blog". Lol. It just is a surprise all the time, even though I am considered a frequent blogger. Sometimes it's a little embarrassing because of the highly personal nature of this blog, but I wouldn't have it any other way. This is my testimony to the world. Besides, like Daniel once said, if you put it on the web, people are gonna read it. I think it's cool that my pastor reads my blog! Haha! I do wonder how many other unidentified readers I have though. =P There are a lot of things I would like to post about but cannot because of people who read it, such as my now "infamous" crush *ahem*. That's when my dear journal and friends come in very handy. =x

Sis Tracy to me: So glad to see you become who you are today.

So am I! =D

posted by esther @ 11:03 PM

2 Comments:

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