| Friday, July 30, 2004 |
| Disappointed |
I am disappointed with you. Do you know that? No, I suppose you don't, and I won't tell you. You probably won't even read this because you can't be bothered. Perhaps I am disappointed more with myself than with you. What was I thinking, huh?
Well. It's ok. Another lesson learnt. The heart is deceitful. It's hard to forget. To not feel that little fall inside when I think of you now. It's hard to love you now. You have become someone else. Maybe I never knew you. I wish I could say it didn't matter, that I still love you the way I used to. But those feelings, strong as they were, are absent now. That part of me is cold. I would that I had never allowed that part to come into being, but what is the point of regret?
Questions I will never ask you. Did I make a promise to you that I shouldn't have? Do you care? Did you care? I believed it beyond a doubt then, believed that I could fulfill it for you. I wish I still did. Was I the one who changed, or the one you thought you knew? If so I am not sorry. I know I am a better person now. Ironically, a better person struggling to love you when before I had no problems. Did I disappoint you? Were you afraid you would end up like me? Is that why you stay away? If so, I cannot change it. I am not sorry for my cicumstances. I am past that now.
At least I have learnt something. I pray I'll never again be as careless as I was with you. I pray I'll learn how to love you again. Perhaps I still do. Love is not something that fades with mere disappointment. I just can't feel it.
Until then.
I thank Jesus even for this, for I now know better.
Be well, my friend. I wish that from the bottom of my heart. |
posted by esther @ 12:44 AM  |
|
| 3 Comments: |
-
Good design!
[url=http://nnoxlrym.com/pcga/apkn.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://vcfiqyqw.com/sdsi/otee.html]Cool site[/url]
-
-
Good design!
http://nnoxlrym.com/pcga/apkn.html | http://ynjkcagx.com/xipy/hsva.html
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
|
|
Good design!
[url=http://nnoxlrym.com/pcga/apkn.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://vcfiqyqw.com/sdsi/otee.html]Cool site[/url]