| Monday, July 19, 2004 |
| "We are not alone" |
Yesterday, someone asked for my support in a confrontation of sorts, which I gave. Frankly, I hate any conflict and I really didn't want to be there, and I thought the whole thing was dumb anyway. I also didn't have much to say; the most I said was two lines! I didn't stay all the way, either; I left when another friend came looking for me. I was actually relieved to go. Anyhow the matter was supposed to be resolved as a misunderstanding by the time I left.
Later that night, that person messaged me to say thank me for my support. I was surprised. Cos' like I said, I didn't think I gave much support. He went on to say that he was quite affected, which surprised me too. I said I didn't know. He said "I guess we are not alone after all." That got me confused and I wonder if he meant we are not alone because we have God. So I said that of course we are never alone because Jesus is there all the time. He said he didn't mean it that way, that "I am not alone that gives me strength". He said it reminded him of his past. I didn't ask how, but simply told him that he certainly was not the person of the past, and I meant it. Frankly I couldn't stand him when I first got to know him, and as many who know him will testify, he has been changed by the redeeming grace of God, and is still being transformed day by day. Sometimes, I still can't stand him when he starts talking a lot of rubbish. What he said somehow touched me really deep inside. I was tearing when I said that he was not the same person anymore for sure. Then I prayed for him (by myself) and actually started crying! I couldn't stop for quite some time.
I realised that I love this person a lot, really a lot. I was touched when I realised how soft he was inside despite all his tough talk, and touched by the fact that he'd revealed it in that sense. Touched that something I did so reluctantly could have such a profound impact on someone, at the amazing ways that God uses us. At how he's been changed. Perhaps mostly by the fact that I love him. You know those surveys that ask if you've ever cried because you love someone so much? I used to assume it was a romantic sort of love, but now I know it's not necessarily so. Because I've realised that I can love people I would usually find hard to, love them so profoundly and deeply and fiercely that it boggles my mind, love them so much that I cry, but not necessarily tears of sadness. And it may sound weird, but I think I've come to love by instinct. And thank God for His gift of love. If not for that, I wouldn't be able to love the way I do now. Of course, sometimes it's still very trying. But hey. It's a start. =) |
posted by esther @ 4:36 PM  |
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