| Sunday, July 25, 2004 |
| How Can I Not Love You? |
I'm actually really sleepy now, but I'll just type this while I wait for my hair to dry, and then I'm off to LaLa Land.
Today's service was fantastic! It was so so so fun! But other than that, it was really great cos' God's presence was so strong today. He spoke to me. I actually woke up earlier this morning so that I wouldn't be late for worship practice, but I spent too much time dressing up...yeah. =P Anyhow, Bro Ber (the worship leader!) was late toooo...I was walking into the carpark when this cab pulled in and I saw that familiar skinny figure poking up from the front seat of the cab. Haha.
I was the projectionist today, which means I am in charge of the Powerpoint slides which have all the lyrics on them. It sounds easy peasy and insignificant but it is really far from it. You've gotta try it yourself to find out really. Today was alright, I made a few mistakes but nothing drastic...of course I am hoping to practice until I make virtually no mistakes. Actually, I think it's happened before. It's very important to stay cool and calm and alert.
Which brings me to what I wanna talk about. Actually, when I first started doing this, I thought I wouldn't be able to worship while on duty, but now I've discovered that it's possible as long as proper preparation is done before hand. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. The only thing is that I cannot close my eyes for too long or I'll miss my cues, and have to be alert at all times. There have been times when I got a little too absorbed in worshipping and missed my cues. I also cannot afford to jump around too much because there isn't much space, and standing on the platform as I do, it might collapse...haha.
Today, when we were singing this Chinese song, it was like spiritual floodgates were opened in my heart. His love flooded my very being, and the tears came. I thought of how Jesus was whipped and killed for me. But above the physical pain, the greatest pain He had to bear was the one in His heart, that totally superceded everything physical. He gave up everything for me. Yet there are times when I take Him for granted. When I doubt Him. When I act like a spoilt brat, holding on to my plastic pearls when all He wants is to give me the real pearls. Words I've said, things I've done, that slandered Him, that hurt and disappointed Him. Yet He never once stopped loving me. It boggles my mind.
I know some people wonder how a supposedly good and loving God can create something as horrible as hell and send people to hell. I once wondered about that too. I can't say I have all the answers. But that's why He is God, and I am a mere mortal. How can we even hope to understand God fully? We are trying to understand something infinite with something finite. Everything I know, everything that I am, every atom of me, tells me that He is real, and that He is a great God worthy of my worship. In fact, there is nothing I can give Him except myself. I can only say that you will understand only when you've been touched by His love. I was a skeptic before I experienced His love too.
Well, so touched was I that the tears flowed freely. He spoke. He said everything was going to be alright. That mercy, goodness and unfailing love would follow me all the days of my life. To be honest, I've always had a bit of trouble with believing that. But today I believe it - I am sure now, that as long as I stick by Him, everything would be alright.
You know what the amazing thing was? Despite being totally lost in worship and His glory, I was still alert. I'd think about Him, cry, but not forget to press the button when I was supposed to. Everything was so clear. It was amazing. Looking back now, I realise it was the Holy Spirit that guided me. Basically I cried so much I became quite a wreck. I think I even sobbed at one point. It just goes to show that when He wants to speak, nothing can hold Him back, despite distractions all around us. And His love...gosh. I'm sold out to Him. He's won my heart. Some people may think I'm simply being sentimental, but I beg to differ. I worship Him with my heart, but also with my mind. I look around me and I cannot believe that this immensely complicated world we live in happened by chance. That my own body, a miracle in itself, evolved from a hairy monkey. Oh no. I was made with a purpose! I didn't happen by chance!
He is just so good. It brings to mind this song called "How Can I Not Love You" which was on the The King & I soundtrack. Only in my case I address it to my Jesus instead of a man. How can I not love You? What do I tell my heart? I am head over heels in love with Jesus. You know how when you like someone or are in love, every love song reminds you of that person? That Shania Twain song: "You're still the one I run to...the only one I run to..." Even: "Man, I feel like a woman!" Lol. Sorry but I can't seem to think of any songs other than Shania Twain songs now... Disagree with me all you want but I think guys ought to take some tips from Jesus. He really knows how to treat a woman! Not like some guys I know. Ahem. =P |
posted by esther @ 10:26 PM  |
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