| Monday, July 19, 2004 |
| Drip, Drip |
Goes my nose. Have a cold now. =P Yep, I've not been posting for a few days. Been busy, plus sick, and also the Internet lost its interest suddenly, which is a good thing for me. Falling sick this time made me realise that I've not been taking care of myself. Sleeping at insane hours (I'm embarrassed to say just how late/early?), not drinking enough water, etc etc. In short, I've been abusing the living temple of my holy God. Eurgh. And this, when I'm a back-up vocalist in church! I actually had a sore throat on Saturday when we had practice, and it hurt to sing, plus it gave the devil many chances to attack my confidence. I realised early this year, when we had a production for Good Friday, how precious my voice was because at that time many of us were falling sick and losing our voices (one of them was me). It's hard to practice well if even one of us is missing, cos' each part is important. Especially since we're not a big team, each part is magnified and carries more weight.
(Hugo is right about the new layout. It's idiot-proof, and I don't particularly like it...Ok, I'm using the "Edit HTML" function instead.)
But thank God, the sore throat was gone by the time I got home! Thank God. I really loathe having a sore throat. I used to love pineapple and durian like crazy, but after having gotten a sore throat after consuming too much of the fruits on two separate occasions, and since then I've lost my appetite for them. Now, I have a drippy nose, but that's ok. I'd rather be blowing my nose often then swallowing painfully! Ha!
So yeah, I realised that I've been taking my body and my voice for granted. Yet He was gracious enough to make me well enough to sing well (though I still sounded somewhat strange to myself) by the time Sunday came along. God is good. So good. =) So from now on I'm gonna take good care of His temple. That means regulating my sleeping hours etc. That meas not late night blogging anymore. In fact, less blogging. So far, so good. =)
Sarah said I sounded good yesterday, that my voice is growing stronger. I'm glad. =) Along the way I've had to struggle with my old feelings of inferiority and need for approval. It was a cycle that won't end if God is not in the picture. If people told me I could sing, I would still feel insecure inside. That was how it used to be. Now, I'm a lot more confident, but I've got to go further and place all that confidence in Christ. My own voice still sounds weird to me, and yes I go off-key at times (but who doesn'?). But well. Since I've been bestowed with this gift, and I've been placed on this team, there's no reason to be insecure at all, isn't it? Being human. Well. Two years with Jesus...I'm still learning, growing, maturing.
Last week I read this devotional from Meeting God in Quiet Places. It's actually a collection of devotionals written by the author when he was in Cotswold. "Imagine yourself whisked away to the beautiful English countryside..." Ah yes not very happening for a teen eh. But well, I love nature and I see so much of God in it. The author is someone who has walked a long long journey with God, and he wrote in that devotional that trusting God now is something like an instinct. I really long for the time when I can say the same too.
Trusting God doesn't come all that easy to me. I read in another book (When God Doesn't Make Sense) that there is a difference between believing and trusting. Imagine there is someone who claims he can wheel a wheelbarrow with a person inside along a rope over the Niagara Falls. Having seen him do it many times before, you believe that he can do it. But trusting him means saying yes when he asks if you'd get into his wheelbarrow and wheel you over the falls. Big difference that makes! Things happen that make me realise how young I am in Christ still. But we have eternity ahead of us, Jesus and me, and I look forward to that journey. =) |
posted by esther @ 3:44 PM  |
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