| Sunday, January 01, 2006 |
| 2006 |
I really should be in bed now, but reading everyone's reflective posts on the past year makes me want to blog too, and I had to when this line came to me out of the blue: That in 2005 I have lived mostly in the last 5 plus months of the year.
I.e. from the time when I joined Monash.
Not that I wasn't 'living' before that. It's just that so much has happened and changed in the last 5 months or so, it's almost enough for a year. I've had quite a few firsts come and go. Not all mind-blowingly spectacular, but significant enough for me to remember. At least for a time.
Recently, I learnt this: A split second can alter your make-up significantly. Not make-up as in cosmetics, I mean the things you're made up of. I haven't yet shared this with anyone except God.
Speaking of God, we had our first service in the 'new' borrowed place today. The sound system went terribly awry during praise and worship, and yet as distracting as all the 'siap siap' sounds were, I felt something solid within which I hadn't felt or been still enough to feel for quite some time - the joy of the Lord.
Last night was horrible with the parentals, and left me feeling drained, hopless, and helpless. Jaded and torn up. I felt so utterly alone. I was still feeling horrible when I woke up today, and dreaded the thought of going early for practice. I ejected two angry poems onto my handphone in the dark last night. Maybe I'll post them up, maybe not.
That solid feeling of His joy was rather vague. Not overflowing, but I did feel my heart push out a bit at the edges with it. It was tangible enough for me, and I thanked God that I could still feel it. That despite entertaining thoughts of going away altogether, I realised that I really wanted to stay. It's been a rollercoaster, fast and furious 5 months. I haven't stopped enough to be still before Him.
The rest of the service only served to confirm and magnify this joy within. Testimonies rock. I was sooo awfully proud of Tracy sharing with such savvy and confidence up there! I thank God that I was given the opportunity to follow-up on such a wonderful young lady. I'm no longer her intern leader now, but I remember with fondness the early days where I trod cautiously and stumbled a bit in the role. She thanked us today, too - me, Sheena and Hannah - for being there. I am glad I became a friend in the end.
And, I truly love Pastor Stephen and Pastor Monica. And Bro Ber as well. Whom I will always remember as my shepherds, wherever I may be N years from now. There is perfection in imperfection. :)
What now? There are still unresolved matters. Dead knots to untangle. Things to give up. This is still feeling kinda like the middle of the year for me, not the start of a new one. But it is still the first of January today, and so I shall list down some of my new year's wishes (in no particular order):
To walk in close communion with my Lord.
To live out my identity as His Esther.
To continue getting good results and doing even better!
To get to know friends, old and new, better.
To grow with brothers and sisters in Christ.
New laptop please!
And broadband connection that doesn't disconnect every night without fail at 12 AM. (Freakaay!)
New thumb drive.
To lose fats around the middle.
To learn to trust God more.
To learn to trust people, but not blindly.
To learn to love "him", 1 Cor 13-style.
To get to know "him". (In God's good time.)
Better, more open relationship with the parentals.
To be more organized.
One year closer to heaven now. :) |
posted by esther @ 3:19 AM  |
|
| 4 Comments: |
-
Hey Qing.
Happy New Year To ya!!
Take care .. and i believe this year would be better 4 all of us
-
Great work!
[url=http://pbzgxduo.com/jqon/juyg.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://tizflzax.com/azql/mosk.html]Cool site[/url]
-
-
Great work!
http://pbzgxduo.com/jqon/juyg.html | http://vpwmilot.com/bear/uxls.html
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
Hey Qing.
Happy New Year To ya!!
Take care .. and i believe this year would be better 4 all of us