CALLED: 'pls share with me'

Friday, December 16, 2005

'pls share with me'

This is dear Tracy's portrait of me, after I told her how since I got back from dinner just now, I had 3 people telling me very long stories, such that I couldn't even get to bathe. I said I must have a sign on my foreheard that says "pls share with me" and she drew this. Lol.

Of course, not that I mind people sharing with me at all. I've often been privileged to be a confidante to many friends. As for why they choose me to share their problems and stories with, I know not why...a gift from God perhaps. I've always had a heart of ministering to people. However with this comes great responsibilities too (Spiderman anyone? Haha). Sometimes secrets are burdens to carry. And oftentimes I get caught in the middle, playing (at times slightly frustrated) peacemaker. If I believed in horoscopes, I'd say this is a characteristic of a Libran. But I'd rather believe this is a gifting from God. And I'm grateful for it, really.

I was really really blessed one day when a very beloved sister told me that she had always refused to go to another church but mine...because when the first time she came, she found a friend...me. And even though she never had much opportunity to share her life with me, she felt I could understand.

If I were to die today, I would be glad that I made a difference in her life, and was a source of light. She's grown to be someone very dear to me, and I love her a lot. It's the most wonderful feeling to give and find yourself being blessed and loved in return. Often, the rewards are many times more than what I had to give.

I'd also be glad that I finally made it to uni, after 3 years of struggling with horrible 'A' levels. It's not just about the certificate. It was my chance to start anew, to breakout (I know it's 2 words, but it feels like one to me) of that little box I had been trapped in for so long. It's helped me grow leaps and bounds in confidence.

Still, as I discovered recently, deeply ingrained thought and behaviour patterns aren't shed so easily. It's so easy to slip back into the box and put the lid back on. Was very upset because of some conflict with Mom recently, and did something I really shouldn't have. And yes, I do regret it. But what to do? It's been done. Thank God things are alright now, and I'm good again. But I've decided that I don't want my circumstances to dictate how I feel...I want to be joyful in Christ in all circumstances. Because if I were to act in the former way, I will never be satisfied...there will always be something I deem lacking in my life, and I'll be unhappy about that. But if my joy is a constant grounded in God's Word, then nothing can take my joy away. It's got my name written on it in Jesus' blood.

Christmas is coming so awfully soon. How time flies (yes yes very cliched I know!)

Today's been a fantastic day. Had a great time today at school, having lunch and doing the referencing exercise with the rest. Had a great time at the garage sale either. And then again, at dinner with Will, and also the journey home with Sheena. Thank God for friends, old and new (yes yes another cliche haha).

Was very flattered and honoured when one of those friends said, with what I took to be a look of awed admiration in his eyes, "You're so smart." And also another when he said, somewhat incorrectly - but I won't argue with such things - that I am "wanted by everybody". It's nice to have people think so of you, isn't it? :)

posted by esther @ 1:41 AM

5 Comments:

At 1:32 PM, Anonymous said…

hey qing :)

ha gratz u got into a uni. wad course is it ?? Anyway must be a great struggle .... and i'm glad God see ya thru (like he always do) :D

and well, its also nice to hear that yr sister (literally real sis?) said such sweet things. haa .. really i wish just one of my fren would do that! :) It probably means you are making great impacts in people's lives. Continue Ministering, interceding ... haa jia you

"But if my joy is a constant grounded in God's Word, then nothing can take my joy away."

amen! God's word is real cool. my life has alr changed when i became more devoted in reading the bible! hehe yeaa~~~

X'mas is coming. I wanna give Jesus a big bday present. ^^
At 5:39 PM, Anonymous said…

YEAH! finally my art work is shown on the internet. woohoo! hahahahaashahahs! wow. i'm so amazed. fist time my art work is soooo recognised by people. heh. hahahaas!

ITS TRACY!
At 6:10 PM, esther said…

Hey Jason,

Am taking a course in Psychology and Communications (as in Mass Comm) now. It's an Arts degree but also like a cross-fac thing because Psych is only offered by the Medicine fac. Which is kinda cool I think! Haha.

No, not my real sister but sister in Christ...hee. To be honest I don't feel like I'm making as great an impact as I can be, which makes this one thing all the more precious and unexpected. :)

Haha I wonder what your big birthday present to Jesus is? :)
At 6:19 PM, esther said…

Hi Tracy,

I always say the pigs you draw on MSN are very cute what...haha!
At 6:31 PM, Anonymous said…

put in ur blog! put in ur blog!!! hahahahahahhas! the pig, lion n mokey. weewee!