CALLED

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I've decided that if I can't think of a title, I won't. I think sometimes I tried too hard. :P

I'm thinking of selling some stuff I've made (and will make) online. Earrings, etc. My mom was pleasantly surprised when I told her. She said I'd become 'ambitious'. I was thinking on the way home just now - that if I have the ability to dream big dreams now, it's only because of God. He's enlarged my vision, my heart, my mind, my soul. Can you imagine? I contain God within me. That He has made us with a capacity to hold Him, an infinite being - the Alpha and the Omega - it's wondrous. Don't you think?

One little bit, though - how to deliver? By hand? By post? Is it worth?

I seriously think God has given me favour with the hawkers I go to 'dabao' lunch from! Ok so sometimes I ask for more chilli (parents' requests) and they never do anything about it, but more often are them times when my parents are suprised at how much rice/'liao' they get.

Ok, I said in my last post about being in one of the troughs of my life? I think when I wrote that I was almost out. Or I was probably out. I know now that I'm definitely out. It's not that that issue has been resolved or even turned around. But I'm not mourning over it anymore. For sure there may be still some seeds of discontent and bitterness I'll need to root out.

Sometimes I hesitate to talk about my life here (or even to new people/ old friends/ acquaintances) because I don't see it as a testimony of His power. People around me who don't believe in Him have had more success than me. It seems almost unfair. I've been mad at Him for this. Why oh Lord, why? Why don't I see the victory I want and know I can have, if only You'd make it happen? Why is it that just about everybody seems to have more victories in their lives than mine?

But these are just lies. Did not God promise me that He has plans for my future and to prosper me? Did not He say that no one can fathom what He has in store for those who love Him? Did not He say not to worry for He shall provide?

Pastor said one day when I went up for prayer that He has plans for me that may be totally different from other people.

I read this verse the other day - Does the clay said to the potter, "What is it you are making?"

His timing is perfect. And really, what is time to God, who is the beginning and the end? He loves me with a love so deep, so high, so wide, so rich, so intense, so bright, so glorious, so magnificent, so passionate - that in my present form I cannot possibly comprehend and take in the whole of it. Yet what I know of His love, I know to be true. Despite the doubts, the fear, the disappointment, the anger, the bitterness, the hurts of the past. So I shall cling to Him no matter what happens, no matter how I feel, no matter how things seem. Even when, during the singing of a happy praise song, I'm crying because as much as I do mean what I'm singing, it hurts because I don't understand at that point what God is doing. I shall obey and trust even when it makes no sense. And I guess that maybe is an even more powerful testimony that being successful.

posted by esther @ 10:16 PM

4 Comments:

At 10:56 PM, esther said…

Hi dear KM,

You posted your msg 3 times! Haha. Of course you can buy my earring. Actually I've realised that my style tends to veer towards expensive xP crystals pearls and the like. But I can do economy as well! Lol!

Aiyah, doesn't matter, I can just give it to you, since you're my friend! =)

And I'm glad my post was encouraging to someone. =)
At 11:51 PM, "s0n|c'C@libr3,, said…

Hey dude ...

its a long time since i visited your Blog :). I am glad that the troughs have not steer you away from God as many of such did to many people. I have friends who suddenly backslided and that saddens me alot. Out of trials only 2 consequence can emerge. Its either you'll become stronger or you slide back to the past. I am glad your fire burns alittle brighter now :)

some verses to encourage you ..

For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.
Lamentations 3 :31-33

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

But, I am focusing all my energies on this one thing : Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven
Philipians 3:13-14

I have walk through the dark tunnels and i am glad that i emerge as someone stronger and more decisive.

Just want to also pen in one of my thoughts from my recent post. Everyone of us has a greatness in us. That greatness is'nt from us. Its from God and through God we are able to have the ability to invent, innovate or recreate. That inherent ability is "Greatness". Don't let the judgement of the world today limit that greatness in you. God will make us world changers and histroy makers. We are all born with a purpose. Let's perservere on and finish this race and claim our reward in heaven :)

Take care!
At 11:47 PM, esther said…

Hey,

Thanks for your message! =) I haven't visited your blog in a long time too. It's quite strange that you call me dude though cos' I'm a girl. Lol.

I am glad to see that you've grown as well. Yes, let us persevere on in this race. I hope for you too that you'll keep growing stronger in Him.

"God will make us world changers and history makers." I really like this line. I amen to it! ;D
At 1:03 AM, "s0n|c'C@libr3,, said…

sorry for calling dude.

I always think dude is a unisex term. haa so i call everything around me dude. Including the fishes in da tank @ my house... haa men im pretty embarass

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