| Monday, October 11, 2004 |
| Your wish is my command |
At least for KM, that is! Haha. For lack of any better ideas for a title. :P Went to study at MacDonald's opposite my house today - it doesn't stand alone, it's in this very tiny shopping mall. This time, I bought a drink, instead of not buying anything like the last time (when I bought nuggets that was at White Sands) I was there. The person who served me had a good attitude, it seemed. Haha.
Not as efficient as I can be today. Ah well. I was writing notes while doing questions - noting down things like definitions and equations I get confused about - so I guess that slowed me down a little. Went through one round of the second CD of the new Hillsong album, and twice (or was it thrice?) of the SOP one.
Got a surprise when I walked out. Heard the fading sounds of some siren, and people standing around. Wondered what the matter was. I soon realised - the ground was littered with dead and dying bees. Scattered all over the place, they were hard to avoid stepping on. Some had been squashed or half-squashed. Really gross. And these were big fat bees. I wonded what happened. Maybe someone reported a beehive nearby and whoever it is who's in charge of these things came and sprayed something to kill them. They were scattered as far as 10m away from the entrance of the mall. Gee.
Had a rather morbid dream last night, of being involved in a car accident and severed legs. In my dream Bro Ber sent me a very long-winded message about coming up with games for our king's banquet much of which I couldn't read because it was in Chinese, and furthermore, in fan ti zi! So weird. I couldn't be bothered to read it properly in the dream, because (I think) I was waiting for my turn to be treated for my wounds. Or maybe it was a separate dream. All mixed up.
Finally I've got an USB memory stick. To store my precious songs and lyrics and PowerPoint slides during reformatting! But I think I'll only reformat after my exams. No time for that now. The salespeople (at least most of those we encountered) at Best Denki (Century Square) are nice. Went electrical appliance shopping with Mom and Dad yesterday after lunch at Seoul Garden (with Nana =D). Many things in the house and their office need to be replaced: iron, vacuum, fax machine, griller/microwave oven, water heater, telephone. I can't remember. We got the microwave oven and fax machine. Actually, we upgraded from this thing that can only be used to grill things to a proper microwave oven. And the new fax machine can also scan and print! Dad also got the new handphone he wanted. Actually, it's a phone cum palmtop. He says he needs it to email business people...I wonder if he'll actually wanted. We're also getting a bigger car! Haha. Mom says Dad either spends like a miser or splashes out money like nobody's business at times. She also said that the handphone's my Dad's "little toy" and the car a "big toy". Ha. But really, my parents hardly buy anything rather than for practical and business purposes.
Which is hardly the case for me and a lot of young people I know. We spend our parents' hard-earned money like nobody's business. And then we go home and rebel and shout at them. How terrible. Not that it's not ok to indulge once in a while. After all what's the point of having money but not being able to spend it? It's a rather fine line for me. I either torture myself in indecision and guilt over whether to buy something or not, or I let go and go nuts. Although I have to say I think I am much much more prudent in handling my finances now. I keep records of every single thing I buy, and really, it's quite fun. I mean, if I don't learn to control my finances now while they're unlimited (or rather, limited to how much my parents choose to give me), how am I going to handle my own money next time.
I refuse to be controlled by a)money, b)the television c)the computer, d)books, e)emotions - bitterness, anger, insecurity, pride. Oh, one last thing; f)my comfort zone.
Speaking of that, I am quite appalled by how most people here are so deeply entrenched in our own comfort zones. Oh, I know all being in my comfort zone. I have problems with that too. But I'm slowly learning to step out of that little circle when the occasion calls for it. Sometimes I want to just not care really. The same with emotions. It's easier to wallow than to force oneself to rise above it. I wallowed in depression for two years, how can I not know. It still hits me sometimes, and I hate myself when I find myself unable to rise above it. Where is the faith? Where is the trust?
Anyhow, I've digressed. Last Saturday, on the way to church for worship practice, this family got on my train. The mother was carrying the older child, the maid with the baby, and both of the father's hands were occupied with plastic bags. Did anyone offer their seat? No. Instead I watched, amazed, as the people in front of me suddenly became sleepy and close their eyes. Oh my goodness. I stood up and gave up my seat. To be honest, I hesitated. It was a long, one-hour journey and I'd have liked to plant my butt there and close my eyes too. But I remembered instances in the past when I didn't stand up when I should have. I didn't want to draw attention to myself either, but I thought, okay, here's my chance to step out of my comfort zone for a while.
Guess what, the same thing happened on the way back home! This time it was a pregnant lady. I was tired and a tad irritable and wondered, Is she just fat or is she pregnant? Then I noticed her arms - they weren't fat. One or two stops had already passed by the time I noticed her arms gave her my seat. It got me quite pissed off, really, that people can just ignore this pregnant lady who has to stand on a crowded train. Probably for some people, they saw her but it didn't even register that she needed a seat. Are we really so numbed, so immune to the comfort of others except our own? I've been reading this book called The Dream Giver, and it talks a lot about stepping out of our comfort zones. It mentioned something about a "box" which Nobodies in the Land of Familiar watched each evening. Undoubtedly this is what we know as a television. And it is on TV that the countless annual fundraising charity shows are broadcast each year, at which sympathetic and compassionate Singaporeans donate millions for needy charities.
If you didn't know about these charity shows, I think you'd think Singaporeans had hearts made of stone. But I don't think that the problem is about compassion, or the lack thereof - but a stubborn unwillingness to step out of our comfort zones. It's so tremendously easy to dial a number to donate five bucks to a charity anonymously, but what about reaching out to those people who really need people to talk to them and listen to them instead of just money? "Uh uh. Not my type of thing lah...I won't know what to say to them. I just donate money lor. Isn't that good enough? See, I have compassion!"
Or how about something as simple as giving your seat to someone who needs it more than you do. "Huh? Don't want lah...shy lah...so paiseh. Besides, I was sleeping!"
Ok. Excuse me for that rant, but really. Even in our own lives, most people seem so passive. Yes, I am guilty of being passive too. I have a gigantic plank in my own eye. But I'm trying to change, am I not?
Last Saturday, I found that one of the posterboards had fallen down. I picked it up - it was Crossover Generation's - my youth group's. I can't help but wonder if that meant something. Afterall that board was put up the same time as the others - why did only that one fall down? The sticky tape holding it to the wall wasn't sticky anymore, when I checked. Was God trying to say something about us?
End. It's time to go and bathe. I hope my post wasn't incoherent. =P |
posted by esther @ 5:32 PM  |
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