| Monday, September 06, 2004 |
| Software Problems |
This from Pearl. =) Made me laugh man.
The Lady's Version
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail!
What can I do?
Desperate
Answer from Technical:
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember overuse can cause husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
The Guy's Version
Dear (IT) Technical Support:
I am desperate for some help.
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5 and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate Saturday Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help?
Joe
Answer From Technical:
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM. Designed by its creator to run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\I APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key.
It may be necessary to run: C:\I APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.
Regards,
Technical Support
Yep. Marriage is not gonna be easy. But I still want. Heh. =P |
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