| Sunday, August 08, 2004 |
| More...and More...and More... |
Of Jesus.
He seems to be flooding me with assurances nowadays, in response to my often inner and secret thoughts of why it is that people around me seem to be receiving more signs and revelations from Him than myself. Now I really cannot complain anymore, or feel like there is not enough. Silly, silly, silly me.
Today before praise and worship, while Bro Ed was praying, I had my eyes closed. Suddenly I saw a sort of 'flash', even though my eyes were closed, and sensed that someone was standing in front of me, and was very near. Startled, I opened my eyes. There was no one. Then I felt in my heart that it was God. He was in front of me, before me. I've never had this sort of experience before.
Then when we were closing the service, I had my eyes closed and it happened again - this time it was as if someone had walked past in front of me. Opened my eyes again and of course there was no one. Soon after Sis Carel quoted a verse about God crossing over before me. It hit me so hard I felt my mouth open in an 'O' of surprise. I may have gasped too. =P Ok, maybe this sounds like a whole lot of spiritual babble to some people. But I know and say with certainty that even if I had not experienced these supernatural signs, I would still know that God is real. But now that I have, I am ever more assured of His power. It's as though He's saying to me, "Qing Ying, you doubt that I will help you conquer? See what I will do for you now, and trust."
I asked her what verse it was, and she said Deuteronomy 9:3. When I looked it up, the significance of it hit me. First of all, the title: Not Because of Israel's Righteousness. Whoa. Recently I have been struck by occasional bouts of not being worthy enough to worship. But realised that it was not because of my own goodness/purity/holiness/righteousness that I am able to stand in front of God, but because of His accepting love, which then cleanses me so that nowI can stand in front of Him in righteousness. It goes on to talk about how God will drive out my enemies, formidable as they may seem. What really hit me again was verse 3 in its fullness: "But be assured today that the LORD your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire."
Devouring fire!! Did I not see a fire (August 05 entry) a few nights ago! Man.
Sheena passed me a card afterwards with verses that came to her when she was praying for me today. One was "Perfect love casts out all fear." 1 John 4:18. My NIV Bible puts it in a different way, but when I read it in context I was struck by the significance of it all. It's too personal to talk about, but it spoke to my difficulty in loving certain people and showing it too. And the thing was, when Bro Ber was praying for me, he said the same verse too. When I first heard it it didn't exactly make sense, but now it does. =)
Next. She had another verse from Ephesians 3:12, and her version was different from mine yet again, but when I checked it out in my NIV Bible, it spoke to me too.
All the verses that were given to me today spoke to me about the issues I've had to deal with recently. I am endlessly amazed by the way He works. I am endlessly amazed that He loves me. What a privilege it is to be so cherished by such an infinite eternal God. That He even treasures my tears, and records them down. That He knows me in all my ugly nakedness, and loves me. And heals me. What a privilege, that I can call Him mine, and to be His! Alvin said something today that really struck: "Our hearts were made for eternity." The significanc of such a simple statement! My heart, my silly, foolish, reckless heart, often so fickle and deceitful, was made by God to contain eternity. In fact, He has already placed eternity in my heart!
I am full to bursting. |
posted by esther @ 11:32 PM  |
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