| Saturday, March 15, 2008 |
| I'm still alive! |
Yes people.... I have not dropped dead and passed away silently. (Choy choy/touch wood!)
It's been about 5 months since I blogged. What's happened in these 5 months?
Well, a lot.
On the surface everything looks the same (not really, I've acquired new pimples - ARGH!!! *curses on post-puberty pimples*), but inside....it's all different now. I can't, won't and don't want to talk about what exactly happened. Partly to protect - and this includes myself and other person(s) involved, partly because I still haven't made sense of it myself, and muchly (haha yeah, no such word I know) because it's just too searingly private. So don't ask.
I considered shutting down this blog, or never blogging ever again, but I guess I'll keep it open and update as and when I feel like it.
I am okay, though. Yeah I have my moments and I'm still confused, but I'm alive and functioning. School has started again and it's nice to be a student again, to go to class and see my classmates. But I'm also working part-time at SGH and I love my work - it's the brightest spark of my life now, honestly. No stress, no pressure, no assignments, no exams, no confusion, no need to plan my time; just do, do, do.
It started out as a holiday job but I've become so attached to my colleagues (well, some of them) that I couldn't bear to quit. I suppose I'm just delaying the inevitable, which I don't even wanna think about - BOOHOO, I don't wanna leave :(
So what's my job? On paper and on my temporary staff tag, it says "Patient Services Clerk", but I do very little of what people think of when you say "clerk". I mostly assist doctors in the consultation rooms. Sounds a bit lame but from experience, the doctors really really need us. There'll be pandemonium and chaos if not for us, lol.
There's a strange kind of intimacy between two people whom you chuck into a room with a closed door for a few hours. Depending on many factors, it may be like the meaningless closeness of strangers sardine-canned in a train, or a familiar, comforting one.
So much for that, when all I wanted to say is that I've made friends with a few of the doctors. Haha!
Actually I was kind of dreaded getting a job for summer since I wanted to slack, but I don't regret it at all now. I have seen so much, learnt so much. Both good and bad things - things about patients, illness, doctors, nurses, the hospital, etc etc etc.
One interesting thing: Many of the staff, nurses, clerks, and doctors alike - are Malaysian. In fact nearly every doctor in the clinic where I work is Malaysian, and it's easy to single them out - they don't have English/Christian names! And of course the moment they open their mouth and speak in Chinese/Malay...
Another interesting thing: Malaysians seem to be more forthcoming with their compliments? Lol. So this may not be an accurate observation, but it's my personal experience - I get praised so much by my Malaysian doctors ("Esther you're very hardworking hor," "Esther you learn very fast," "So smart!", "I like working with you," - yes I'm showing off now xPPPP), and I get so little of it from my environment (present and past), that it makes me shy and I don't know how to respond.
Oh, my heart is flooded with warmth when I think about this. Yeah yeah, very cheesy. Granted, I work mostly with those doctors who are Malaysian, and most of them are....so. And maybe I have an advantage since I have experience working in a chaotic environment (my mom's shop).
Actually, not to sound big-headed, but it's true that I'm not a slow learner and I do work hard. So they're really just stating facts. But Singaporeans...we're so stingy with our words, right? I remember that when I was in Secondary school, I desperately wanted to get an A for my weekly Chinese assignment. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much extra work I did, I kept getting nothing but Bs and B+s. Talk about being unappreciated!!
Anyways, enough about that :P
All in all I suppose I can say that life is quite fulfilling - but I feel myself at a crossroads, in transition, and I don't know which way to go.
I leave you here with a very sexy song by Joanna Wang, whose album, Start From Here, I've been listening to on repeat non-stop.
[5 minutes later] While searching for the lyrics (I was lazy to type them haha) I found out that Ms. Wang isn't proud of this album at all - too commercial for her musician's soul. Which makes me feel a bit cheated since I spent nearly S$17.90 of my hard-earned money on it. Bleah! Yes, this does affect my enjoyment of her songs. I feel cheated. Grrrr.
Regardless, I will link the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7F-vKWqu7M
I can't find the lyrics for it online and I have to rush off - but I like the lines "but if I lose myself with you tonight, fall apart or hold on tight" (I've been asking myself this question, actually) and "two shadows talking but they don't make a sound". Still sooo sexy, despite the above interruption.
Thus ends this entry. |
posted by esther @ 3:47 PM  |
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