| Sunday, August 21, 2005 |
| Dateable |
"Clueless about the opposite sex? If you are now, you won't be once you read Dateable. We've got stuff on them they never wanted you to know. It'll be like you're a fly on the wall of the locker room, listening in on all the conversations you've always wanted to hear.
-What does he say when you aren't around?
-What is she thinking?
-Why does he do that?
-What does she really want?
It's all here. We expose the inside world of guys and girls in this tell-all book.
Don't try dating without first being Dateable."
Don't laugh. I'm currently reading this book. It's by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco. Haha, Lookadoo is a funny surname right? But really, I am reading because I am truly clueless about the opposite sex. After I started reading it I realised it was written for teens, and I'm not technically one anymore, but well, I've never dated and like I said, I am clueless when it comes to guys.
It's really given me a better idea of how guys think! For eg, when guys say "I wanna be with you forever," they don't mean forever forever. To us girls, we hear "I love you, I want to marry you and father your children." To them, forever is a short-term thing. They are not thinking of getting married, much less fathering your children, though they might very well be thinking of the act that leads to having children. And surprise surprise, this doesn't mean they're heartless jerks who lie to get what they want (though they also do) - the guy in question might really be genuine. He might really think he wants to be with you forever, but he's not thinking of the colour theme for your wedding like a girl would be. He's just enjoying the moment. I've seen this to be true in guys. I've often wondered why they make all sorts of promises and then after a while, say they don't like the girl anymore or break up with them. Now I know. And these guys have solid characters, as far as I know. They're just unfortunately too young to know better.
Now I understand that in previous crushes and a couple of friendships with guys, I poured out too much of myself emotionally. When the illusion crashed, I was the victim, and every time the guy in question didn't even know a thing! Silly, right. If only I'd read this book when I was 16. But I believe all things happen for a divine purpose. In any case, I'm glad that I never got the chance to date, because if I had, I'd probably have done all sorts of stupid things to keep the guy.
The book also talks about how all girls have fantasies. This too, as far as I know, is true. In fact a few of my friends even wrote love stories based on their fantasies (so did I!). It's astonishing how this is not just me and my friends but most (or all?) girls. In my fantasies, we hardly ever quarrel, we go on romantic walks on moonlit beaches, he sweeps me off my feet, blah blah, blah blah. Of course this guy doesn't exist anywhere.
I'd really recommend this book for everyone whether they're Christian or not (it's written from a Christian perspective, but hey, Christian guys and girls are also normal people), young or old, as long as you're not already married, celibate, or engaged.
I have this thing, where I segue in and out of states of optimism and cynicism regarding BGR. Because of past experiences where I was rejected, I find it incredibly hard to imagine anyone I'd like liking me back. It just seems to be like a one-in-a-million thing to have the person you like like you back. Not that I think I'm not likeable/loveable, and I don't think I'm ugly (anymore), but it still seems such a foreign concept to me! Then of course I think that to like someone is a weakness, because it makes you vulnerable and exposed and liable to being hurt by that person. Until I read this book and found that you don't really have to be all vulnerable and exposed. You can date someone without having to marry him, and you can have your emotional and physical boundaries set firmly in place, and when you break up, naturally you'll be hurt, but you won't be crushed. You can be exploring what you want in a relationship.
But mostly importantly you must develop your own character and passions, so that you don't throw everything into one person. Have an exciting life away from that person. This part really applies to me because at this stage, I'm ready to explore my interests and passions. And it's a relief, somehow, that it's ok to date for fun and you won't be crushed by dating for fun if you're careful to guard your heart! Of course I think many girls dream of marrying their very first boyfriend. Maybe when you're older and ready to settle down, this type of dating doesn't apply anymore. I am only 20 and I don't think I'll be getting married for at least another half a decade!
I'm cynical because I've seen that humans are not exactly the most trustworthy creatures around. Husbands cheat on wives. Siblings swindle each other of money. I think you can say that I was brought up in an environment where these things are common and nobody really trusts anyone, even within families. It's very sad. I was very jaded for a time before I converted. Coupled with some bad experiences I've had in the past years, the deep cynicism has returned. How can I trust anybody, really, when even there is no guarantee in a family? Still fighting to keep it at bay, before that stone inside consumes everything. I think the real problem is not the cynicism itself really, but that I'm still allowing past hurts to hold me down in my relationships. And the only thing I can do is to surrender all these things to Him and trust Him to provide pillars in my life that I can depend on, trust that I will never be tested beyond my limits, trust that He will always be there.
All things to God lah. As of now, He plays so many roles in my life - Father, Best Friend, Boyfriend/Husband. I need Him in each of these roles, because nobody on earth can play each of these roles as well as He does. And boy, am I glad that as a female, it's not weird or gay to think of Him as my Husband! He who says that I am the apple of His eye and that nothing can separate me from His love. And He is probably the only One who can say all these things and mean each thing in all of its layers and depths! |
posted by esther @ 10:37 PM  |
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