| Wednesday, June 23, 2004 |
| Friends |
Old and new
If you know me, you'll know that I really treasure my friends a lot. Because I've known what it's like to be lonely, and then to have a friend sent by God (that's Sarah) to extend that hand to pull me out of the pit. And then getting to know that my bestest best friend has been carrying me all this while (that's Jesus). And, as the icing on the cake, to be further blessed with many good friends. Oh, I know, some of the people I call friends now may not be with me 10, 20 years down, but for now they are; they matter to me and I matter to them and that's all that matters. God put each person in my life for a reason.
A week ago, I made a new friend. She was someone one of the sisters had invited. When we were introduced, something just clicked. We didn't talk for all that long, but talking to her, I felt really relaxed. No awkwardness at all. I was surprised by how open she was to share. And I feel like I understand her - perhaps not everything, but I can understand what fears and insecurities she may have. Don't ask me how, I just know it. And I was right. I sent her this forward via SMS about how "there are many wonderful things in this world...including pretty women like us". She said, "Gee...I'm not pretty, you are."
That's exactly what I'd say to you if you met me and told me that 2 years ago.
But then again, 2 years ago you probably would not have said that because I looked different, acted different.
As a long time net friend (whom I got to know when I was still looking oh-so-dorky) Matt says, "the woman that is 'hot' is the one that believes herself to be. She dresses hot, projects herself, carries her body well...and that makes all the difference."
So in that aspect, I am hot. *grin*
I should tell my new friend that she has absolutely no idea just how beautiful and strong she is. No idea! I thought she was pretty the moment I met her, lupus or not. Yes, she has lupus. She's the first person I know who has lupus. And she's probably tougher than me, only she doesn't know. Well, by His grace one day she will realise all that and more. Cos' I did.
Sarah's probably the only one other than Jesus who knows what a miserable pathetic wreck I was, thinking I was fugly (f**king ugly) and useless and suicidal. It wasn't easy getting to where I am now, and sometimes I still get stricken by attacks of inferiority, but I know now that they are lies. Hello, I'm a princess of God. I am royalty. I am loved by the most beautiful man who ever existed and will exist. He hung the stars and the moon and the sun in the sky for me. Every breath, every ray of sunlight, is a kiss. He is more than enough.
Now for the old friends. It's a blessing how two of the strongest friendships I had when I was still dorky and feeling inferior are still going strong today and have survived; even triumphed, major obstacles. One of them is with my best friend Sarah. "We laugh, huge guffawing hysterical laughter. We give each other secretive smiles." To add to that, we call each other amazingly mushy things (it would give you goosebumps =D), and we're not lesbian. (In fact we are two 'red-blooded' women, or whatever is the equivalent of red-blooded men. =P)
We've gotten majorly pissed off with each other in our six (coming seven) years of best-friendship, we've ignored each other, we've been selfish and silly, we've changed, both inwardly and outwardly. I have doubted, at times, whether the damage could be healed. Still we are best friends. I could never call another person my best friend, I think; except maybe my husband. Or rather I could never call another friend of the same gender my best friend. I see us at 70 (or whatever age we live to), still having our secret jokes and secret smiles. Still best friends.
The other...well, I shan't name her. Our friendship went really really wrong over some stuff which I won't go into. We stopped talking altogether for months and months. We were both hurt and lashing out in defence. But thank God for the internet, because it was what brought us together again when she returned to her home country. I didn't expect that our friendship could return to the stage where we could go out together again like in the good ol' times, but it did. Just today. It's still quite a matter of wonder to me. I really didn't think we'd survive that.
Speaking of old friends, I should mention Daniel. It may seem like nothing, but I really appreciate your obliging me all the time (please don't stop =D) to let off steam/excitement. And for letting me inundate you with all that nonsense with boys. =P (Be good to her ok. xP)
And there's Matt too, from even longer ago. (See the April 21 post.) These two have also known me since my 'ugly duckling' days.
Long live friendship.
(Urgh, that was corny, wasn't it.) |
posted by esther @ 3:07 AM  |
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| 4 Comments: |
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Hi there Blogger I really liked your blog Friends , it was an informative read. Although it wasn't the exact topic I was searching for. I thought you might be interested in checking out my blog at http://mozilla-fox.blogspot.com .
All the best.