| Wednesday, August 18, 2004 |
| Thinking Much |
I can't post on my own tagboard which is kind of annoying. Unblockable pop-ups annoy me all the time.
Nothing much these days, but thinking much. Trying to get into the rhythm. Watching Olympics. They are inspiring. Some of them are my age, even younger. Holding their own, more than holding their own. What is it that drives them? What is that which makes them different?
What is it that drives me?
Some of them look scary, particularly tennis women. Huge! Swimmers too. I think female swimmers look best when receiving medals and male swimmers look best in the pool. I just think they (the women) are very pretty, and they somehow seem to emit a glow. The men. Whoa, when they're ripping up the waters. Out of the pool, they aren't as imposing or scary...and well. None of them particularly much to look at.
Saw this medal presentation for some swimming event (I can't remember what) with Michael Phelps taking the gold, this Canadian guy the silver and this Japanese guy the bronze. Phelps had funny hair, and the other two just seemed awkward, especially the Jap guy who had tan lines on his face (from wearing goggles).
I like Ian Thorpe. Had a crush on him 4 years ago. He is an amazing person. There was this Reader's Digest article on him 4 years ago, it was about his friend (best friend?) who has some kind of disease, and how Thorpe took care of him.
Australia lost in the 4x200 breaststroke relay (I think), Thorpe being the last swimmer. They lost to the USA. The commentator said that Thorpe "isn't the man he used to be." Ouch. (And he is only 21!) I guess that's how it is in sports huh.
Swimmers have this weird body shape (well to me at least). Huge shoulders and chests, and almost frog-like legs. Imposing. Especially Thorpe, who has this very dark blue (almost black) full bodysuit. Like some kind of...monster.
Susilo looks really cool on court, but off court, with his heavily-accented English and stiff demeanor, painful to watch, because he is so awkward.
Yep, I think sportspeople look best doing what they are good at.
Beach volleyball is sexy. =P I think the cameraman who kept focusing on this particular player's pert butt would agree.
She called me the other night, and I didn't really know what to say to her. What do you say to someone who knows the answers, but is unwillingly to take the steps? And knows she is, too. I felt like crying. After I put down the phone, I did cry. I wish I was more articulate, that I could find the words that could change things. Make it right. But only one person can do that, and she won't turn to Him.
Which made me think about a few other 'her's and 'him's I know, who are like her.
How is it that, having known His goodness, some can turn away, to a world that only offers temporal satisfaction? How is it that on Sunday you cry out to Jesus and say you only want to live for Him, and then on Monday crave the acceptance of some guy who is totally not worth your heart?
There are verses in the Bible that fill me with holy fear; that verse that says only few enter the gates of heaven (how few???) and the other one that says not everyone who cries out to Him, "Lord, Lord!" will be accepted.
She said she cannot resist the world. Why, my heart cried. The world can give you nothing. Don't you know that?
It's not like I am so holy and pure that I have never been tempted. I am tempted every single day. But I have never forgotten that the world can give me nothing of lasting value. I have always known that only He can give me what my heart desires. Sigh. Perhaps it is the age difference.
A friend of mine told another that she has a crush on him. She'd asked me if she should tell. I said that if it really didn't matter to her what he said/did in reaction, then I saw no harm. But by the time I replied she'd already told him anyway. He said to be friends first. I asked her if she was ok with that. She said she was unsure, confused.
I often receive emails that tell me to seize the moment and tell the guy I like/love that I like/love him, or it may be too late, etc etc.
Do those people who write those things know what true love means anyway? I'm not saying we should all keep our love in our hearts till our daying days. I simply think there is a time and a place for everything. The culture around us fills us with such notions. And so we bravely step out thrusting our hearts out on these fragile platters, only for them to be trampled on, pushed aside, ridiculed, crushed, and broken by people who have no idea what love is.
Sometimes, to restrain is to love.
Sometimes we do not do things that we want to, because we do not want people to know we want to. I am trying that out now.
But I am still such a sucker for cheap thrills.
Cheep, cheep, cheep~! xP |
posted by esther @ 2:41 AM  |
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